


What Matters Now

by Pom_Rania



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chopper cares about his people, Ezra is in denial, Gen, Post-Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, cameos by Hera and Zeb, imagined description of eye injury, you don't keep telling yourself you're fine if you're actually fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 06:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11351703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pom_Rania/pseuds/Pom_Rania
Summary: Ezra and Kanan head back from Malachor, after both were hurt there.





	What Matters Now

**Author's Note:**

> Another fill for the prompt at swrrequests on tumblr, where Kanan is still blinded by Maul, but Ezra also gets his eyes damaged by the energy from the sith holocron.

Ezra had to stay calm and in control of himself. His eyes hurt and itched horribly and he couldn’t see _he couldn’t see_ but it was nothing compared to the pain that leaked out from Kanan. He was okay. He would be okay. It had just been the light, from that holocron, flashing brighter than anything he had ever seen and knocking him back. Surely it would get better, in time. It had to.

Kanan though... Ezra wasn’t so sure. He didn’t know exactly what had happened, but he had heard tremors in Kanan’s voice from pain that couldn’t be concealed, felt the mask covering his face, and caught a mumbled half-explanation of “lightsaber”. Had heard Kanan stumble, and Chopper’s quiet directions, even before they made contact.

He still wasn’t sure how they had managed to get back to the ship and escape, both the planet – they never should have gone there – and Vader. He remembered following the sound of Chopper’s increasingly-frantic beeps, then the unmistakable noise of lightsabers clashing, and then Ahsoka yelling at them both to run straight ahead. Somehow, he and Kanan ended up on the Phantom, alive if not unharmed, and Chopper had gotten them out of there.

Kanan shouldn’t be comforting him. (He shouldn’t be crying.) He was fine. He couldn’t really see anything no matter how much he scrunched up his eyes, and they were really itchy, but he wasn’t in a lot of pain. Kanan was hurt, and Ahsoka was gone, that was what was important. 

The sounds around them changed. Chopper moved closer, and beeped that they were on their way back to the base and had avoided any pursuit. Chopper’s presence was not currently required to direct the Phantom, so the priority now was caring for the two organics.

“Kanan’s hurt,” Ezra said, before Chopper could suggest anything else. “I don’t know what –”

“Lightsaber,” Kanan mumbled, voice distorted both by the mask, and by pain. “Across the face. Eyes. ’M stable, no bleeding.”

Chopper instructed Ezra to slowly take off the mask, because the droid did not trust Kanan’s judgment of his own condition, in general, and especially not when impaired.

Ezra worked his fingers to where metal met skin. He tried not to press on anything, but going by Kanan’s sucked-in breaths, he hadn’t fully succeeded. He lifted it away as gently as he could.

He could feel pain radiating outward from Kanan, from air hitting the wound, at the same time the smell of seared flesh reached his nose. It had been there before, but muted and distant. Now it filled the entire space, like a physical presence, and Ezra felt like he was going to throw up from the sheer stench of it.

But that wasn’t just “flesh”, that was Kanan. It had to be worse for him. Ezra could deal with it... until he imagined what it had to have come from. His mind painted a vivid picture of ugly blacks and reds slashed across Kanan’s face, eyes burnt away, maybe even some bone exposed.

“I’ll get the med kit,” Ezra heard himself saying. He couldn’t remember if Chopper had asked for it or not. He slowly stood up and felt for the wall. He knew where it was. He’d packed it himself, as part of keeping the Phantom ready at all times, but he’d never expected to have to use it like this. He fumbled at the latch securing it in place, finally released it, only to be struck with another problem. He knew roughly where Kanan and Chopper were, but he didn’t want to run into them, especially not Kanan, and make it worse.

Walk slowly, Chopper directed. A little more to the left. Keep going, almost there, stop. Set the kit on the ground. Take a seat, it was directly in front of him.

Ezra sank down with an uncomfortable amount of relief. He had been shaking during that short walk.

He listened as painkillers were applied, before anything else. If Chopper of all droids did that without being asked, it had to have seemed really bad.

“You still can’t see,” Kanan quietly said.

“No,” Ezra admitted, like the word was torn from him. “But I’m fine, really.”

“At least it means you don’t have to see this,” Kanan said, and Ezra wondered what expression he made with that phrase. “How’s it look, Chop?”

Chopper only replied that it looked like a lightsaber injury, and told Ezra to hold out various containers from the med kit, he’d say which was the one he needed.

Once Kanan’s face was bandaged, the smell of burnt flesh wasn’t as strong. It was mixed with various medical scents as well. Ezra didn’t know what they were; Chopper hadn’t identified anything, only said that it was what he needed. Kanan was no longer broadcasting pain. It was better now. There was nothing more they could do.

Apparently, Chopper did not feel the same. It was Ezra’s turn now, he said. It didn’t matter if Ezra said he was “fine”, his eyes should be bandaged too.

“I’m not injured!” Ezra protested, holding his hands out.

“Just do it,” Kanan said, his voice low. “It’s... easier, with something there. I can do it for you, I’ve put on enough bandages to know how.”

“You shouldn’t have to help me,” Ezra said.

He felt a brief pulse of faint amusement. “Nothing hurts at the moment,” Kanan said. “Let me do this, before it starts to wear off.”

Ezra sat still as Kanan’s hands wrapped the bandage around his eyes. The light pressure there felt odd, but it was easier with something holding his eyelids closed, so he wouldn’t strain to see something he wasn’t able to.

He felt like they should be doing something else on the way home. Discussing what had happened, how they were going to tell Hera and Rex, what to do now that the Inquisitors were gone but so was Ahsoka, what if Kanan didn’t heal – what if _Ezra_ didn’t heal – but he had no energy for it. For anything, any more. He leaned back, and let the thoughts and memories wash over him in the dark.

-

They didn’t need Chopper to tell them when they had arrived at Atollon. They could both feel it.

Ezra tried not to listen to the message that Chopper sent out. He didn’t want to hear what it would say, but he couldn’t help but pick out some words. “Missing”. “Unknown”. “Sight”. “Both”. “Require”.

He was tempted to add “disaster”, but if he spoke, someone might respond and ask questions.

When they landed, he wasn’t sure whose apprehension he felt. It was hard to tell, when it could come from either or both of them. The pain though, that was Kanan’s. Not as bad as it had been, but the painkillers had worn off enough by then that it was noticeable.

The door opened. Chopper told them to stay there for the moment, someone would come and get them, and then he left.

Ezra’s hand hurt. He was squeezing Kanan’s hand. Kanan was also squeezing back, then let go.

Footsteps, rushing into the Phantom. “Oh, Kanan,” Hera murmured. “Ezra.” A rustling, then a grunt. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Kanan, can you stand up? Come with me, I’ll help you. Tell me if you need to take a break, it’s not a problem.”

“I couldn’t – couldn’t keep that promise,” Kanan said. “And we....”

“You both made it back here,” Hera said, a waver in her voice, “and that’s what’s important now. Come along.”

As they left, Kanan’s halting footfalls along with Hera’s slow ones, Ezra wondered what he was supposed to do. Maybe they had forgotten about him, and he would just sit there, forever, dokma crawling over him like he was a piece of the scenery. It wasn’t likely, but he still imagined it. It was better than thinking about what else the future might have in store.

The smell, the sound, and the presence all came at roughly the same time.

“Come on kid,” he heard Zeb’s voice say. “Just get up, and I’ll get you out of here. Grab hold of my arm, a little higher, there.”

“I don’t…” but Ezra didn’t know what he was going to say. That he didn’t need help? He did. Even if there was nothing wrong, he wouldn’t be able to see with bandages over his eyes, and it was disorienting.

He clutched Zeb’s arm like a lifeline as they started walking, and then left the Phantom. There was so much _space_ around him; if he got lost, he could travel for days and still never find anything he knew. Or wander with it within reach the whole time, but never realize. He had to get better. He had to. He _was_ going to get better, right?

Kanan might not.

“Where are we going?” Ezra asked.

“Right now, to the Ghost,” Zeb said. “I think the med droid will be busy for a bit, and if you have to wait anyways, there’s no point in waiting there when you could instead be waiting somewhere more comfortable.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry,” Zeb said, and twisted like he wanted to pat Ezra on the shoulder, but realized that wouldn’t work at the moment; “you’ll be fine, we’ll take care of you.”

“Yeah, okay.”

It was supposed to be reassuring, but Ezra didn’t feel any better. He couldn’t see, Kanan was hurt and might _never_ see, and Ahsoka was gone and probably dead.

He wondered how they were ever going to get through this.


End file.
